Monday, 2 December 2013

5 things that make me go OOOh: Winter Hugs.


This week I wore mittens and gave up my summer socks in favour of more chunky knitted cosy ones. I don't mind shifting my wardrobe and wearing layers. Of course I felt that little bang of blue when I looked out on to the world and all the trees were nude and the nights started way before I was even sleepy. I've also been making sure that I concentrate on being kind to myself, colder wintery days require not just your worn out bobble hat and hime made scarf to warm you up- you have to consider warming up your soul too. Yes. It's cheesy and it's all kinds of 'really?' but it's true- winter can bring the blues and when you get to feeling like your hands are cold and your heart feels icy too.. here are my top 5 things to make you feel much better.

5 Ways to hug yourself.

1. Being beautiful.

Sometimes I think that I am most beautiful after I have a long soak in a frothy bath with my favourite book. Other times it's after a friend tells me they like my hair today. Many times it has been a glance in my bedroom mirror before I leave in my forever worn out jeans. One of the easiest and sadly often hardest thing to do is to know you are beautiful. It can be something that happens just like a awesome snack idea (peanut butter, jelly in a toaster maker!! Genius) or it can be a dirty idea you avoid. What do I mean by beautiful? I think it's hard to discribe and have us all agree on what we would all say is beauty, but I think that when you feel beautiful you know the feeling. I want you to imagine that it's okay, that no one else needs to know and I give you permission to be who you want and maybe feel beautiful. I want you to let yourself be beautiful. I'm a girl who owns 1 pair of heels and I has crooked teeth and I am beautiful. I can never apply eyeliner and I love wearing boys tees and I am beautiful. My diffinition of beautiful is simple, I know it when I feel it. When you can tell yourself this and truly believe it, the feeling you get.. it's very special. Sometimes you just need to whisper it..Want to know more?

2. Doodle and dare to share it.

I am an instagram addict. It's something I actually don't mind admitting to- I dont see it as being a really bad thing.. I use my instagram for a lot of different things- for me, it is not just a cool place to put a photo of some food. It is my community. I have genuinly made friends there, given and gotten some great advice and shared more about myself than I do to anyone in person. I am the socially awkward girl who bites her lip and says strange and magical things. I dont get jokes, and if I do it's because I have made up my own punch line. I am a girl who is comfortable being me and being with me most of the time. Instagram offers me the portal to chnage that- even just a smidge- and it also gives me a space to hang out with her lip biters and magical speakers. So why am I really letting you know my love affair for an app? Instagram is where I post my art too- it's where I went when I started drawing again after more than 5 years. I snapped a pic, and posted it. Something that had crushed me to even think of showing, something very precious and tiny.. The response from the folk on my feed was like a virtual bear hug. It felt like I didn't need to explain what it was, or even make and excuse for my sloppy pencil marks- just posting it and having a few likes was an inspiring experience. If you don't draw, post some writing. If you don't write, take a photo. Share and comment and like as many pictures by people who are also just sharing too.

3. See Love. Release fear.

Sometimes laughing at the 'tiny mad idea' is the best way to actually regonise that negitive thoughts can be created only by fear, pain and hurt not by love. To see the love in everything and everyone is hard work to simply do- at least it was for me. However, when I started to see my fear, and see the world I had created based on fearful thoughts- this allowed me to forgive, to find out that actually maybe the world wasn't against me that day my shoes broke or that day that lady was rude to me. Gabrielle Bernstein actually rocks my world on so many levels and honestly this lesson is a great way to get yourself back to love. Every time you have a negitive thought- even one that honestly feels like it is so true it couldn't be anything else- it is a fearful thought and anything that hurts you is not good for you. Why surround yourself with that? See love when you see fear. It's the only thing holding you back sometimes.

4. See love and wear it.

Do you own a lucky pair of socks? If you have never had this or heard that or you're now wondering where this might be going-you are about to learn something very simple and very effective to give you that warm and fuzzy feeling. Your homework is to get yourself a talisman. Various folk I know own such a thing and I have a fair few that I use from time to time...My self love, hug in a instant talisman is a black ring I wear on my right hand. My boyfriend bought it for me when we began dating and whenever I look at it, it reminds me of love, strength and history. I also have claimed certain unicorn orniments, pendents, the actual moon and books as mini talismans-sometimes choosing a symbol is powerful and can really help you gain some perspective- the moon for me or a heart shaped anything. The purpose of them is to remind me and support me. I used to worry that 'what would happen if I lost one' but honestly, if that ever happened I think I would be okay- the objects are not me- they are with me. If I loose one, perhaps I was meant to get something else. It serves its purpose, to remind me what I already know or what I simply need to remember. One of the most powerful talismans I have is a tattoo- I look at the image in my skin and it reminds me that I am a bad ass and that being who I am- true to myself is what I enjoy most.

5. Let yourself be.

When I first figured out that I was a perfectionist I went through several denial speaches in my head. I didn't even brush my hair so I honestly couldn't understand how of all people I was a perfectionist. Then I really researched it and I began ticking things off a list of classic traits- a perfectionist can be very critical mostly of themselves, they are procrastinators and often do things big or not at all- often resulting in the not at all. They put pressure on themselves to achieve a target often that is very unatainable... all of these things and a whole lot more had heavy huge ticks next to them. When it comes to my perfectionism you will see it go into overdrive when I am pushing myself to be liked or like others, I placed high standards on being the perfect person or having the perfect friend. At the time I didn't know it was something that was hurting me. I didn't connect the dots to my crippling social anixiety and my need to be perfect. This is something I work on each day and I am very happy to say that regonising it and really being able to work on it has been so rewarding. Once I got passed my denial of having it and my fear of having it- I was much happier. I can forgive myself more when it happens and honestly, I can give myself a break. Living your life with grace and with personal respect is so much better than all the rules I gave myself. I now have the grace to forgive myself if I say the wrong thing, if I am late to the party or if I simply do not fit into the idea I once had. Try it, look at the rules you may give yourself and question if these rules are at all unattainable or perhaps set in place for a fearful reason, and accept grace.

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